De Disfraces y Koalas

Estoy aquí, sentada frente a un vestido azul tipo toga y un vestido medieval verde de terciopelo tratando de decidir de qué carajos disfrazarme. Claro, no ahorita, porque sería una locura. Mmm, considerar... Ya en serio, ¿Qué se ve mejor: Lady Macbeth o Diosa Griega? ¡Oh sí! Este año voy a lo grande.

Si me visto de azul, probablemente voy a decir que soy Hera, y hoy en la noche me voy a poner hasta las chanclas, bueno, las sandalias ¿A quién engaño? Digamos, ambas. Podré usar una corona de hojas doradas sobre mi cabeza (que ya tengo de tiempos pasados) y tratar a todos como si fuesen 'simples mortales'. Podré decir cosas como "Homero, Hesiodo y Píndaro me crearon una pésima reputación". Esto me gusta.

Si me visto de verde, probablemente tendré que explicar que no soy Minerva McGonagall, ya que no uso ni sombrero ni varita. Adoro mi vestido de Lady, hace que mis pechos se vean geniales, y, por ser de mangas amplias y de largo hasta los tobillos, evita verse vulgar. Además, puedo usar una tiara. Yay! Podré decir cosas como "Con ese delirio has tumbado la alegría del convite" o "¿Quién nos impide dar muerte a Duncan, y atribuir al crimen a sus embriagados compañeros?". A Lady Macbeth le gusta apuñalar borrachos... interesante.

¡Ah, qué bonita tradición! Todavía me acuerdo del año que mis amigas y yo nos vestimos como ficheras; Caray, montones de piropos, sí señor. También el clásico "¿Pero, nadie les dijo que la fiesta era de disfraces?" Cretinos. En fin, ya veremos.

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Ayer Edy me mandó una ensayo que un niñito escribió como tarea sobre los koalas. No se si sea verdad o no, pero te juro que me reí por horas. Lo transcribo en inglés, porque traducido perdería toda su gracia.

This essay was written by an 8th grader in Pittsburgh in the spring of 2004. The assignment was to pick an enangered species, and explain why it's important to save it. The typos and formatting are preserved from the original.

Richard XXXXXXXX Draft 2

I shouldn't do shit. I don't care about them they all could die and it won't affect my life. I know a lot about them but I don't need to think about them. They're just a waste of time koalas are stupid they don't help me with shit so why should I help them. If they all die there will be more room for the panthers and all the other hard animals. Koalas are weak a pit will get rid of their whole fucking family. That's why I don't like koalas.

Koalas have sharp claws but they are weak. They all small and fat and they be climing trees. I hope a storm just come while they just chilling up in the tree thinking they is hard and they're will all just fall off. They just break they neck and shit. When they fall they claws are going to fall off and they going to be crying like some little bitches.

Koalas aren't hard they some little bitches. They start climbing up the tree soon as they see a deer from like 50feet away. They stupid as hell they should put their brain in their pouch and put the kid in they ten they're be able to think better. They try to be in the fucking kangaroo family. They weak as hell, talking bout they got a pouch a kangaroo so they their cousins and shit. Kangaroo's have some big ass legs and whot do a koala got? Some little ass legs, they tails is little and weak as fuck kangaroo's got a big ass long tail that can kill a fucking koala.

If a koala goes in the water it won't be able to breathe with its little short ass. It'd fucking drown soon aas it take one step into the water. While they at the river trying to get something to drink a bear could just come to him and snatch its ass up. It doesn't know protection because they don't have protection. What they little ass going to do? It can't scratch him. The bear will beat his fucking ass.

The important think about koalas is that just don't care about tem and let them die by all the other animals in Australia. They're not important just let nature do what it do and kill them. Koalas do not have a place in this world there's not enough room for all the bitches in this world. So let all the koalas that's in the zoos and shit. Let them go and put them back with their family. If you let them all go they won't nothing except for that's what they was put in this world for. Now you know why koalas aren't important. They have nothing to do except for sitting around in the trees. It's like they just was like they was sent have to die. Koalas don't do nothing to help anybody. Thre would be just one more relative of the kangaroo that will be six feet under. Now you know why koalas are not important because there are dumb.

Tengo un mensaje para tí, pequeño Richard: